Updated: Apr 26
Five main factors that highly influence a Ukrainian woman to marry a foreign man:
Based on 16 years of experience matching foreign men in Ukraine, these are my tested and proved major five subjects that, when fulfilled accordingly, define a foreign man match ability and prospective success in marrying a Ukrainian woman.
Physical appearance and behavior:
As men do, women also search for beauty, though typically in a more complex observance mode than men. Women conjugate quite a substantial number of male characteristics that men often disregard per their nature, more focused on lesser details but significantly significant in his list of preferences. Initially, both have a prototype of physical attractiveness as a first selective observance to proceed or not to the next step verbalizing characteristics inherent to each other.
Like in a restaurant, eyes eat first, but in the end, the taste needs to match the expectation. Instinctively, beings of the same species attract each other, which does not mean that a thin person is implicitly attracted to another thin person; there are many nuances. Just as a good leader teaches by example, obtaining this way better results, one who does not represent himself as an example of what he seeks, cannot achieve those same results.
That said, a well-groomed man with a fit image and gentleman manners better captivates women's attention than those who do not prime for self-improvement but expect to achieve results at a level they do not personally represent. Social skills and a common language to verbalize personal qualities and reaffirm qualities and erase doubts are vital to establishing the match regardless of apparent differences.
Social skills and a common language to promote and reinforce personal qualities are vital to establishing a match regardless of apparent cultural differences or age.
Language ability to communicate:
Beauty is somehow universal, and we are more or less attracted to specific physical beauty parameters regardless of nationality. But only our desire and attractiveness alone do not grant us match ability; it is a seduction game that involves both parts equally. Physical attraction is a starting point but does not confer personality or relationship compatibility.
All will have to be evaluated by words and reaffirmed with attitudes. Without communicating in-person through a common language, reading thoughts between the lines, and reaffirmed by expressive body language, it is complicated, if not almost impossible, to unveil compatibility beyond the physical attraction. When using a third person to translate our uttered words, the result will most likely depend on that person's honesty and interpretation capacity, which unquestionably varies from person to person leading to different possible conclusions than those we would like our date to perceive.
Moreover, a third-person's assistance cannot follow through with all the relationship process development, as it highly limits inherent intimacy, vital to strengthen any more profound connection. There are moments when privacy is crucial, and without it, there's no growth. Alternatively, translation apps often lead to misunderstandings and erroneous judgments by lack of adequate to-the-moment interpretation, which only human sensibility can correctly interpret and decode.
That said, the primary option to maximize results and succeed without wasting time, expectations, and even money is to communicate with someone who, besides having a notorious sincere willingness, also has proficiency in expressing herself accordingly.
The age gap between partners:
The older the man is, the less likely women accept a significant age difference. Women expect men to have an active role in raising children on a pedagogical and physical ability, so; the man's age must be according to those expectations and demands. Single Ukrainian women who never married or had kids are less willing to accept more significant age differences unless the main goal is more financial-wise than to build a family.
Desirable characteristics in a future husband, besides the physical attractiveness, pass through a recognizable maturity and well-established life, which obviously require time and justifies the acceptable age gap. In Ukraine, 60% of the couples have a 2 to 7 years age difference, and only 12% pass the ten-year gap. In addition to beauty, the characteristics that lead men to marry a Ukrainian woman are linked to their feminine culture and not feminism.
Gender equality in the household and same opportunities are not of most Ukrainian women's primary goal but a family where the husband is the provider and protector. For that reason, and so both man and woman distinct roles complement each other, the man needs to prove himself as a well-established provider and a good parent. If reversing positions, why would a sincere woman leave her homeland and family to live in another country, though possibly better than hers, but depending on a man that does not match her expectations to build a new family?
When looking at online dating paid platforms (so-called pay-per-letter websites), women are often misrepresented as accepting any man no matter his age or looks, which is absolutely out of reality.
Nevertheless, safeguarding some exceptions, they are definitely not the rule but commercial propaganda to attract less cautious men's expectations and money. Remember that the levels of response are always proportional to the spendings! In Ukrainian culture, women do not chase men, but the opposite.
Country and living conditions:
The matching ability is not exclusively restricted to physical and intellectual compatibility but also influenced by other factors such as children from previous marriages and their ages and where the couple will live, and the lifestyle the man has to offer. For a woman to quit living in her country, leave her family and friends behind, and all she knows as her life legacy, love is an unconditional factor. When there are children involved (if they are young), the children's future after relocating to a different country, adaptation to a different culture, and language barriers will profoundly determine her decision.
She must foresee herself having the possibility to be autonomous, work if will be the case, practice her usual routines and sports. Fell financial freedom for some personal expenditures (or for the children), and create new friends, and above all, be well accepted by her husband's friends and family the most. These factors are vital to ensure future happiness, facilitate adaptation, never allowing her to foresee herself as a prospective dependable homebody confined to an adverse environment. For all those reasons, it is essential to highlight that location matters!
Women familiarized with international marriage and willing to relocate will observe all those details before deciding to pursue a relationship with a foreign man towards marriage. Even if from a so-called small-town in Ukraine, the women's requirements will not differ much though they tend to have less high expectations about material goods and more about family and well-being. Also, care to know that those "small-towns" in Ukraine where international marriage has presence do not have less than two hundred thousand inhabitants and proportionate a lifestyle and habits not comparable to what a small village offers.
Besides love and compatibility, the location and future living conditions are crucial to creating the couple's match ability in the long run. Factually, a sea-fish won't survive in a pond, as a river-fish will die in the ocean no matter its greatness.
Ethnicity and nationality:
It matters to note that Ukraine became an open country to the outside world in 1991. Being a culture of strong family ties, parents' receptiveness to interracial marriage still strives to equal international tendency. Furthermore, it can influence the younger ones' openness to develop a relationship and marry a non-caucasian man. Unless time to overpass such objection is on the foreigner favor.
It is not a matter of racism but a lack of receptiveness to more significant changes in Ukrainian millennial family patterns. Like anything in life, time is crucial for an old generation to gradually get acquainted with modern times. We can find a clear example of how time, i.e., more significant opportunities, can shape the receptiveness to interracial marriages by interpreting the statistics on registered marriages in Ukraine.
According to governmental statistics, in 2019, the population was 41,732,779, from which 7,342,217 were women between 20-44, and the state statistics service of Ukraine declare to have registered 237.858 marriages. By citizenship, from those marriages celebrated in Ukraine, 2,289 were with European citizens, 1,761 with Asians, 176 with Africans, and 73 with American citizens.
Though not including women that married abroad, such numbers unequivocally help understand how foreigners' time-stay in the country influence and facilitate interracial marriages.
Especially with international students as Asians and Africans at the university level or immigrants considering Ukrainian women average age of marriage is actually 25.9 years. What "surprisingly" makes these marriages happen is directly related to an extensive time stay (mostly students or ex-pats) have to interact with women. The age group, a common language (as international students learn the language), and last but not least, a financial advantage that most women desire the head of the family to have as their grandparents and parents had.
Religion and its practices:
Seventy-two percent of the Ukrainian population declares themselves as believers. However, Ukrainians could hardly be described as devout since only 22.4 percent of believers attend church at least once a month. More than 57 percent attend religious services once or several times a year, and 20.3 percent never or very rarely take part in public worship besides important religious holidays as Easter, which has significant affluence of practitioners and believers, as during Christmas holidays.
More than one-third of people who declare themselves believers never pray or pray only several times a year, whereas an additional 16.1 percent prays several times a month. Moreover, 44 percent state that they believe in their own way to communicate with God beyond any church or religious service. Thus, it is not surprising that more than 56 percent of Ukrainian believers consider themselves moderately religious. Perhaps such internal, non-institutionalized faith, coupled with religious tolerance, is one of the principal peculiarities of Ukrainian religiosity.
About 67 percent adhere to one or another strand of Orthodox Christianity, 7.7 percent 'Christian,' 9.4 percent Ukrainian Greek Catholic Church (in the westernmost Ukrainian regions), 2.5 percent Islamic, 2.2percent Protestants, 0.8 percent Roman Catholic Church, and 0.4 percent Judaism. An additional 11.0 percent are non-religious.
Orthodox Christianity and other religions' percentages proportionally reflect the Ukrainians acceptance of other faiths. As per the numbers, it is clear that the women do not demand their partners to have the same religious orientation if within Christianity. The Christianity spectrum is quite large and flexible. However, it matters to note that the acceptance of other religions is proportional to the given percentages.
A man who considers himself a diligent religious practitioner and expects his future Ukrainian wife to follow his beliefs and practices should always evaluate her degree of religiosity and predisposition to follow his practices in the community and church to which he belongs. Regardless of Ukrainian receptiveness to other religions than Christianity, at a personal level, radical changes are not typically accepted and even often declared on women dating profiles. If not, and with the same importance as ethnicity, it is highly advisable to clear doubts with your matchmaker or dating coach.
Each case is a different one. There is no formula to grant success dating, especially when dating someone from a completely different background, culture, and beliefs, often aggravated with the lack of a common language to facilitate in-person bridge those differences through a clarifying dialogue.
This article was written by Alex Pinto, a Portuguese matchmaker, Dating coach, and Psychologist based on my personal experience living in Ukraine since 2005.
Statistical data was translated from the State Statistics Service of Ukraine
and the Ministry of Justice website.
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