Updated: Jul 18, 2021
When a generation of Facebook and Twitter has become a lot more socially acceptable, Being on Internet dating gets very obsessive addictive. The minute you start "talking" to somebody, you know, you're just like, bombarded with attention. Generally speaking, the rule on Internet dating is, you have your cup of coffee, and you start dating. Does it really feel like looking for a partner, or is it more like looking for a fantasy experience?
As people spend more and more time online looking for love, they also become more likely to experience depression and anxiety. For dating apps, in particular, the simple fact that you are evaluating other people's profiles can impact your self-esteem and confidence and make users like you feel objectified.
Are all online users looking for that special something with someone else? That unique relationship?
Yes, I'm sure you are. You sit on a Sunday afternoon in the privacy of your own home, and you boost yourself and browse.
You do a quick search of all the profiles and evaluate the possibilities.
So how do we look?
"Oh, I like some of these." You have 50 pages of 10 people, so you're immediately confronted with 500 leads to choose from. It is exhilarating. It makes you feel great. Very compulsive!
So you very quickly start going through people looking at the photos, and it becomes like being a kid in a candy shop or a new toy to play with. You're in a virtual warehouse where every girl in this world is on the shelf; you have so many to pick. Isn't that great? Let's choose them all!!!
What makes dating apps so different is the volume of people you are exposed to as a potential "match" via your app profile. The limitless choices that dating apps offer can be detrimental in some ways; rejections become easier as users search for a perfect match. More time you spend analyzing others than deepening a potential connection. And this happens all the time and proportionally to the number of people you keep in permanent contact with.
The profile photo: which one shall I use?
The one with the glasses, without the glasses? The one with the long hair, or the one with the shorter? With the mustache and the smile? Or the one with the cap? Your women friends look in and say, oh, you're not smiling, so you smile. Then the male friend said, you look like a serial killer. So what can you do?
There's a limited palette of color here that I can work with. Right. You know, I'm in my late 40s and a bit fat. That's what I am. I don't want to go out with somebody that looks like me!
But what you're actually doing is you're trying to mate based on a picture the size of a postage stamp. Internet dating is literally one pixel deep. It's so trivial, like a tiny telescope into a nothing world.
WHICH ARE THE MOST COMMON LIES ONLINE?
1. AGE - Both men and women lie on dating apps, but only men lie on international pay-per-letter websites about their age.
2 HEIGHT- 50% of men mention their height incorrectly, saying they are taller, hoping that women, when meeting them, will like them regardless.
3. WEIGHT - More women lie about weight than men. Women take off 3.8kgs whereas men 6kgs.
4. BODY TYPE - Men often describe themselves as athletic (when overweight) and women as curvy or average.
5. INCOME - People lie anywhere between 20 to 40% on their income bracket. In my opinion, income shouldn't make part of a profile.
6. JOB TYPE or TITLE - 42% of men lie in some aspect of their job, and women 32%. Some women fear men are not attracted to intelligent women, so they downplay their intelligence.
7. PHOTOS - Are the most deceptive element of an online profile. Both post not accurate photos showing their authentic look.
8. HOBBIES AND INTERESTS - A common area where both lie, showing themselves in the best possible condition. People may say they like a sport when only practicing it once in a blue moon.
9. LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP - Many users lie when declaring to search for a relationship. Men are more guilty as they have learned it gets them what they want.
10. RELATIONSHIP STATUS - According to research firm GlobalWebIndex (GWI), which released some figures on Tinder, 42% of users are married.
Of course, this has to be the worst lie of all!
Profiles' photos are unconditionally essential. It's all about image and attractiveness.
It is almost like selling houses. You certainly worry or should worry about whether people find you attractive. Depending on your life background and how you've grown up, there is always some vulnerability. So, when you are around your 50s and found out you're superfluous to your ex-wife's needs, then, yeah, there's a vulnerability there.
The Internet allows you to be incredibly rude and judgmental.
Very dismissive in a way that the reality you know, thankfully, doesn't accept. People know that they can get away with being discourteous because there's no sanction. Online dating can become quite brutal. Dating apps teach you quite quickly to be selective and to acclaim that you're not interested. To some extent, they are preferable to international dating sites where you pay to communicate with gorgeous foreign women out of your league. You can do it. But be aware that you're most likely just purchasing a temporary dream.
You become ruthless with your decision-making. I mean, you get messages, and you even do not bother to open or delete them if the photo is not appealing. It will be best if you are obscure. Yeah, there's this kind of compulsive, obsessive thing of being online, looking at profiles’ photos, bookmarking, and writing to pictures. Paradoxically, the more time you spend on Internet dating, the more your actual life feels empty and lonely.
Were you ever dishonest dating online? Yes, of course! You've to be obscure and protect your ego. You don't want to let on the downside. It is the honesty issue that gets you. Internet dating, due to its nature, doesn't allow you to be yourself.
"I met some interesting, sparkly, stimulating girl online."
There were three pictures; there's this part of her face. There's this part of her cleavage, nothing rude, just a tiny bit of décolletage. And there's a little bit of a shapely ankle.
- She said: well, do you fancy going out for a drink?
- And I said: yes, I'm going to go out for a drink with your love.
With the roar of tires, a red sports car drives up, door swings open.
She was a rhino!!!
Is it her fault that she's fat? No, I'm a bit fat.
Is it her fault that I don't fancy her? No, I did choose the online version, didn't I?
Right. But she wasn't honest with me.
I'm angry that I'm having to do this stupid shit this time in my life when I thought I was in the place I was going to be with the person I wanted to be with forever.
I believed all the love songs I listened to when I was 17.
You know, I thought that's the way life was. And it just isn't!
I didn't do so badly when I was younger. When I was on a real-world date, I did OK. I had girlfriends, and I had relationships, I met people, I had flings, I had whatever. I was a player.
The end of my marriage was very unexpected, very traumatic, and I was in a very kind of chaotic state. So, there's a little bit of a sort of decent interval. Then I started thinking: well, kind of what next?
I became, I think, online dating addicted for the best part of two years, probably.
It's a numbers game like a dating roulette.
People end up banging through numbers because it's like direct marketing, you know. Only a tiny percent of people will ever get back to you with anything exciting and meaningful. But you just got to keep going and going and going. Endless hours at a time, 500 search results, and you go through and most likely look at all those 500 profiles - overwhelming and confusing, I must agree. There's so much where to choose that hardly we make the right choice.
Why did you persist with online dating for years?
Loneliness is the online daters' major enemy. It's a way of convincing yourself that you're moving forward when you actually are not.
One thinking that happens you come back to the dating scene when you're in your 50s is that your dating head is still back in your 20s. You still think you're 20. You don't quite well realize your actual dating value if compared to an early age.
Svetlana contacted me on one of the dating sites.
She was a real woman. She was really interested in me!
And then I said, well, OK, I'll sort of pop over for a weekend to go and stay in an Eastern European city for a few days, expecting her to show up at any moment. And long and short, it was that I flew to her town and right last minute she said:
It will be much cheaper and better for you if you rent an apartment.
So, I rented this apartment, and I showed up.
And a very tall Ivan-type character said:
I'm the agent for the apartment. You give me money now.
And I said, Huh?... OK!
She stopped answering her mobile the second I landed and left me feeling like a jerk.
It was a comedy of errors and also the most profoundly depressing episode in my whole career. Good lesson; I learned it early on, right. Even if you speak to them, even if you got an email, the chances are Svetlana, 22, from Ulyanovsk, right? Who is a babe!
She doesn't really exist, or she's not really interested in a slightly fat, broken-down you, right?
But, you know, she's got a beautiful picture, and she seemed very interested in me.
When that happens, you're going to have to go. No one's going to say no to that!
I invite you to read my blog post, What Do Ukrainian Women Want from Man?
ACCORDING TO PEW RESEARCH CENTER, MEN AGED 30-49 HAVE A 16% CHANCE OF SUCCEEDING IN FINDING A PARTNER THROUGH ONLINE DATING SITES, WHILE THOSE BETWEEN 50-64 HAVE A MERE 7% CHANCE.
Online dating, in most cases, is a convenient shortcut and exciting way of not having a relationship.
Many men don't know what to do, but many women also don't know what to do. It would be best if you find more suitable mechanisms than dating pictures online. In such a virtual world, you can be James Bond. You can be anyone, anyone you want to be. But you always have to remember that someone may wish to make out with you, so you better use honesty since day one. You have to be honest with yourself and others on how you represent yourself online and be able and willing to evaluate your expectations regarding who you are and who you are looking for.
What you want is a nice lady who loves you. You love her. Maybe she has got kids. You've got kids. Maybe you never married. But you want and have the right to build and live in a happy family. Do you believe there's somewhere somehow someone that will match you? I hope you do. It would be best if you never gave up trying.
Because I genuinely believe out there is somebody that you can connect with and love and adore, and she will do the same to you will cherish each other. But all starts from how faithful you are to your goals and how fully aware you're of your potential to succeed on your dating quest because starting wrong will drastically reduce your chances to finish well.
Do not risk a bad start.
Give yourself a chance and let me promptly and honestly reply to all your nagging questions on international dating. As an international Matchmaker in Ukraine since 2005, I know all the obstacles and misleading practices you faced or will have to face if not prepared. I will help you to evaluate your true success and avoid financial and emotional losses.
Let me help you explore what may hold you from meeting the right person. Preparing for international dating and acquire awareness is of determinant importance to succeed abroad. Book a Skype Consultation-Call with me, and I will share my knowledge to help you safely navigate the dating scene, best promote yourself and evaluate your true success.